to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
