Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
