I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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