I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
