I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
