Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
