got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
