his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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