Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
