So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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