I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
