I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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