HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
