The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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