Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
