My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
