the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
But theres a keg here and me gusta
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
