dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
