even my farts smell like vagina
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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