i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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