38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
