my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
