How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
