I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
