Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
