I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
