Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
