i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think i got beer on your cat.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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