How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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