All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
