omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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