At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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