booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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