just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
