I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
