In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
