From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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