so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
