did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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