maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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