Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
