i permit you to call me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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