just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
