The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize