i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize