Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize