We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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