I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize