new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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