i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
