I got chris browned last night
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
