he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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