Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
