Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize