you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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