And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
