you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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