Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
