Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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