The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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