If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
