I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
