i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
