No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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