so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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