my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
