i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there was a trapeze. enough said
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
