I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
