also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
