You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
