Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
