Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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