Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
