i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
