I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
