he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
