Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
