I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
