Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
how drunk are you?
Several
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
