So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
