nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
