He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
