you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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