Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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