You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
