im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
