What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
