...so i touched it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
