Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
