He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
