She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize