Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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