When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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