found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
