I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
