Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
