Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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