I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
