Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize