I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
