All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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